So, after 7 years of difficult study I graduated from the Costal South Central Eastern South Carolina-Charleston Community College and Truck Driving School with a certificate in Yellow Journalism and an endorsement in Muckraking. I answered an ad for a political reporter in a big newspaper in Chicago and got the job. After a couple of weeks I got called into the office and told CONGRATULATIONS the corporation bought a new newspaper in Boston and wants to expand its readership circulation. You are the new football club reporter/ fishing report/obit writer. I said but I took this job to be a political reporter. He said go ahead and sneak it in, not like anybody reads today anyways. Good Luck kid!
Boston MY **** THE newspaper is a weekly on Cape Cod called the Cape Cod Beachcomber that has been around since we declared our Independence from Germany I think it was. Oh well, all I know is it took 6 freaking hours to get to the end of the Earth. Looked like 10 miles on the map. Finally get to this “historical” building an meet my new boss Ben Franklin III whose father started this newspaper when he started this country yada, yaa,yada.
So got me a nice apartment in Provincetown, got an ocean view out both sides so should be a prime location for watching the ladies err I mean fish for my report. Summer should be nice. I got a strange landlord he wears a Speedo and a leather jacket, but seems a friendly sort. I told him I was the new club reporter for the Patriots and he just laughed and laughed walking out saying don’t be late with the rent an GOOD LUCK! I get a lot of that lately for some reason.
Again, Boston my ****!! Foxborough ain’t in Boston! It ain’t on the **** map even. Stop and ask someone and all ya get is “ya get thar from hera” ! Finally found the **** place out in the middle of nowhere. Who builds a Stadium in a swap and names it after a cheap beer, Schafer? I would say it was locked up, but there is really nothing to lock up except the mosquito fogger. So I left a note on the door with a number for them to call me when they hold a press conference. Of course, one has to wonder where they would hold it. Big Johnsons Weiner Hut doesn’t look big enough for a press conference. Maybe it has a basement. Lobster Hot Dogs, who would have thunk it ?
Oh yea, Mr. Bill Smith of Eastport died of a Lysol overdose on Sunday May 3, 2020. Mr. Smith was the Cape Cop GOP Chairman and long time pastor of the Cape Cod Church. Strippers [ what ever the **** that is ] are on the small side 12” around the jetties according to Mr. Gordon.
Submitted for publication
J. Pulitzer XIII May 4
